But we (I) don't like to half ass it here at Hamsterdam, we are committed to serve the important commentary on popular culture to all segments of the population, including methheads. Why meth? Well, crack was the "go to" drug choice if you were trying to be funny in the 90s, "Dan thinks he can go out with Jessica? IS HE ON CRACK?!?!" and hilarity ensued because obviously Dan doesn't do crack cause he's white. But at some point we rightfully began to feel collectively guilty that we were making fun of a perceived "black person" drug and we moved on to meth because no one cares about poor white people with substance abuse problems. I'm sure by 2015 we'll be back to saying crack again, so is the circle of life (drug jokes).
Moving on! This list was compiled using a few factors. 1. The show must have been on for three seasons (Sorry "Breaking Bad" and "Raising The Bar") 2. It has to have more seasons in the 2000s than the 90s and be considered a 2000s show (Sorry "Ally McBeal" and "Cops") 3. The show must have qualities meth addicts would enjoy. What are those qualities? I'm glad I asked that question.
Methamphetamine's mimic the action of adrenaline and dopamine which increase heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, constrict blood vessels, dilate pupils, release sugar and fat into the blood stream and energize the brain. Feelings of increased alertness, angers or fear, or agitation (flight or fight) and feelings of well being, riding high, exhilaration or euphoria result from using amphetamines. When the stimulation goes too high, it produces feelings of panic, paranoia, hallucinations, rage, seizures and stroke.
I didn't write that, in fact, I only skimmed it when I copy/pasted here so I may get a few (lot) of the "facts" wrong for this article. Let's light up our pipes.
#10 - "24"
To ignore the genius of Jack Bauer is to ignore the genius of Steve Jobs or Ron Artest; he's a single minded maniac who does what he has to do for the betterment of his country/company/team. "24" has a simple enough premise, everyone wants to take our freedoms and one short white man will not let that happen. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST HIM! Of course, by year five, things sorta came apart because everyone knew to never trust any of the new people in CTU and someone you like will die in episodes 8, 16 and 24. Oh, and acting isn't a valued quality on this show but at least you'll go "WTF?" at least twice per episode. In our post 9/11 America, and I wasted no time pulling the 9/11 card, we needed an avenue to vent our frustrations in a completely unrealistic and taut manner and thank Allah this show came around to quell the feelings of panic and paranoia in crystal users. Also, the show's frenetic editing lends itself to keeping meth addicts glued to the TV long enough to not steal your TV.
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#9 - "Surreal Life/Strange Love/Flavor of Love/Rock of Love/I Love New York/I Love Money/Charm School/Real Chance at Love/Daisy of Love"
Tweekers (it's slang for Meth users, get some culture) love watching themselves on Television so it makes sense they'd love all the variations of VH1's stable of freaks. The saddest thing in my life (and trust me, that's a long list) is that I've watched all these shows and I can't stop. When it somehow comes up in conversation that I watch these shows, I feel like I'm admitting I have a STD, "30% of the population has watched 'I Love New York' at some point in their life." Junkies would obviously love this show, it's filled with poor people being exploited because society has fooled them into thinking reality show fame is a valued asset in our culture. It's relatable to addicts because as they're riding high with released sugar and fat in their system, they can yammer on for hours about ALL of the misplaced ideals in our culture, the different concepts of beauty between mainstream America and contests on this show, and how trashy people CONTINUE TO LOVE Ed Hardy.
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#8 - "Sex and the City"
A surprising choice given the fact this show is about upper-class white women's relationship problems in Manhattan but the problems of a drug addled meth addict and Carrie Bradshaw are not all that dissimilar. Both have a near incurable addiction that ruins their finances (shoes/meth), both have a singular desire that permeates all of their life choices (finding love/getting high) and both look too old for their actual ages (horse face/meth face). By the way, Carrie's afflictions were first in the parenthesis. The show was a landmark dramedy, a natural evolution from Ally McBeal's version of femininity in the 90s to the more sexualized and self-aware ladies in New York City. I can definitely see the prostitute subset of methheads getting into this show to learn some tricks of how to deal with men while also struggling with getting aHEAD at work. Has anyone ever done a BJ joke pun like that before? Doubtful.
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#7 - "30 Rock"
This was a tough pick. I was torn between "The Office" (UK Version) (Only two seasons plus the special), "The Office" (USA Version) (Lackluster the last 1.5 seasons and I have confirmed info, meth addicts don't like Jim), and finally "According to Jim" (LOLNOCHANCE!!!111!!). "30 Rock" won for a few reasons; Liz Lemon's angular face and skinny body suggest some meth usage at some point. Tracy Jordan speaks English and forms sentences for much of the show but there's often a lack of meaning and logic behind his words, that's how most methies (I just copyrighted that term) speak. Kenneth the NBC page must have grown up near the meth capital of the world, which according to Wikipedia, is five different cities. The show also lacks overarching themes that last more than three episodes, so it's easy for addicts to jump in without much expository knowledge of the show itself. Ironically, that also helps people from Virginia watch the show. The joke being people from Virginia are dumb and are of a similar intellect as crystal meth addicts.
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#6 - "Six Feet Under"
It ain't easy being white. While the show revolves around a family-run funeral business, the main theme is that a lack of communication about one's current emotional state is bad and unhealthy but white people are naturally reserved and therein lies the problem. Or something. Methies love this show because of the very liberal use of drugs that every character partakes in, even in the first episode the teenage daughter tries meth for the first time right before learning of her father's passing. Oh, why do you have to try to so hard to impress boys Claire!?!?! Of all the top 10 shows, this should be the one that meth heads would love the most but it's stuck in the middle because it involves two things that drug addicts don't like to think about, death and their families. Death is obvious, while there's a certain "I like to cheat death by getting ridiculously high" cache to drugs, meth addicts don't want to actively think about it and start to process what death means. Family because they are either a huge letdown to their family or they got into drugs because of their family. Fun paragraph!
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#5 - "Gilmore Girls"
This one is for the ladies and gay users of the drug. "Gilmore Girls" is what life would've have been like if they didn't start smoking that sweet methamphetamine. Clearly, most meth smokers are from upper class families in Connecticut who speak entirely too fast and never with any inflection to indicate any subtext behind the words they are speaking. They also have a vast knowledge of television, movies, and music even if it was before the time they were born. Finally, every meth user I know had a hard time between picking Yale (her rich and stodgy Grandparents Alma mater) and Harvard (her childhood dream) when it came time to pick a university. It's truly like the show was written for these people. From a personal non-meth using standpoint, I enjoy this show purely from a "white girls need a show to rally around that isn't complete drivel and insulting" point of view and this show fits the bill. Plus, I'm pretty sure if Lorelai and Rory were on meth they'd make out for money, which is cool.
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#4 - "The Sopranos"
This or "Battlestar Galactica" (lulies) will probably top most normal end of decade lists but not here, not now, not ever. I may be the first person to ever say this in a review of "The Sopranos" but did anyone notice the last few seasons weren't as good as the first few seasons? And sometimes episodes just went nowhere? I know this is bold and original thinking but is it possible that HBO paid obscene amounts of money to David Chase to keep the show going which diluted the overall quality of the show? Totally out of left field question, I know, and the Internet is NOT the place for unwarranted critiques of shows. We're better than that. Addicts are definitely going to enjoy a show about criminal life, but more importantly, it's about the criminal life seemingly paying off. Drug users fancy themselves as crafty boy scouts, turning cough medicine into a drug that offers an incredible high, so seeing men attempt to beat the system in order to profit would appeal to their inner scammer.
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#3 - "Lost"
OK, let's keep it 100 (it's my favorite hip-hop phrase since 'real talk'). This show is confusing as **** for me and I have TWO advanced degrees (from a second tier state school and the third best school in DC proper but let's look past that). Why would meth addicts enjoy a show that's more hopeless than "Six Feet Under" with more ludicrous turns than "24"? One simple reason, "When the stimulation goes too high, it produces feelings of panic, paranoia, hallucinations, rage, seizures and stroke." That sums up every episode of "Lost" in a nutshell and not just for the characters but for the viewers as well. My emotions go like this for the show, "OMG, what?, rewind that, NO!, huh?, that's not plausible, oh!, that makes sense now, so that's why he can walk, ****!, what a dick, ouch, *sniff*, shut up they are showing scenes!" Watching a full season of "Lost" during a lazy weekend is like making it through puberty, at the beginning you're confused and your voice cracks a lot but by the end of the season your wearing a scraggly beard and just when you think you've figured out some tragedy happens that makes you wish you were back on the island. Analogies.
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#2 - "Arrested Development"
I'm not sure how the Jews Hollywood dropped the ball on this one. It's a comedy featuring a mostly WASP cast in a sunny locale as they cope with losing their considerable wealth by the patriarch of the family. Besides it getting tons of awards, critical acclaim and even the Internets behind it, the show failed miserably in the ratings. Mainly because it was funny, well-written, and had great acting performances. To succeed in mainstream American comedy nowadays, you have to be dull, middle-class, and lifeless. But let's stay positive as to why methies *heart* AD. Gob ranks high on everyone's list but particularly meth addicts lists of top comedic characters because of his general shadiness and trying to gain acceptance from his father (Pop Pop issues are big with crystal users). Next, the sexual tensions between cousins and other family members is well recieved my addicts because during the extended use of meth, social norms begin to be questioned and broken, like incest. The last thing is the idea of intertextuality, which is the idea of adding meaning to a certain text by drawing attention to another text, which the show often did by harking back to the careers of the various actors and narrators on the show. Methies LOVE intertextuality.
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#1 - "The Wire"
LIKE I WAS GOING TO PUT ANYTHING ELSE!!!
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Honorable Mention
"The Shield" - A little too real for them to make the top 10
"CSI" - A lot too fake for them to make the top 10
"Chappelle's Show" - Tyrone Biggums is Jesse Pinkman's black crackhead cousin
"The Daily Show" / "The Colbert Report" - Where else can addicts get their news? CNN?
"The Office" (UK Edition) - Methies get all relevant British pop culture jokes
"The West Wing" - Created by a crack addict
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